An invitation to think more expansively, lead more thoughtfully, and move forward together.
This morning, a friend sent me a message that made me smile.
She was wearing a purple scarf.
Not because purple happened to be her favorite color or because it matched her outfit, but because purple represents something she believes we need more of right now.
Red and blue coming together.
A reminder that even when our perspectives differ, we can still listen, collaborate, and find ways to move forward together.
Her message inspired me to wear purple today, too. Admittedly, that required a little creativity. I could only think of two purple items in my wardrobe!
But as I headed out for a morning walk with one of our dogs, I found myself thinking about something much bigger than the color of our clothing.
I began thinking about the way we think.
When Our Thinking Becomes Polarized
We live in a world where it's increasingly easy to view circumstances through opposing categories.
Right or wrong.
Winning or losing.
Us or them.
This way or that way.
And while there are certainly moments when clear distinctions matter, not every challenge we encounter fits neatly into one of two opposing positions.
Sometimes, the most meaningful possibilities exist in the space we haven't yet considered.
But discovering those possibilities requires something of us.
It requires curiosity.
It requires humility.
It requires a willingness to recognize that our own perspective, however sincerely held, may not represent the entirety of a situation.
And it requires the courage to remain engaged with people whose experiences, convictions, and conclusions differ from our own.
Polarization may offer us the comfort of certainty, but it can also limit our ability to imagine what else might be possible.
The Invisible Walls We Build
Years ago, while visiting Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia with our son, I stood on a catwalk overlooking the long corridors and rows of prison cells.
Our son was in middle school at the time and fascinated by law and history, so the visit offered an opportunity to explore those interests together.
Looking back at a photograph I took that day, I'm struck by the imagery in a different way.
The walls. The narrow passageways. The individual cells.
All designed to confine and separate.
And I wonder how often we unknowingly create similar structures in our own thinking.
Not with bricks and iron doors, but with assumptions, judgments, and convictions we've stopped examining.
We can become so convinced that there are only two ways to understand a situation that we stop looking for anything beyond them.
Over time, our assumptions become walls. Our judgments become barriers. And our certainty can become a kind of confinement.
Not because our convictions are necessarily wrong, but because we've stopped examining whether our understanding is complete.
The remarkable thing about these invisible walls is that we may not even recognize they're there.
We simply become accustomed to seeing the world through the same narrow openings.
In some ways, our thinking can become a prison of our own making.
And unlike a physical prison, the doors aren't always locked. Sometimes we simply haven't considered opening them.
What happens when we begin asking different questions?
What if there's another perspective worth considering?
What if the person with whom I disagree sees something I've overlooked?
What if the challenge before us holds possibilities neither side has yet imagined?
Sometimes the first step toward meaningful change isn't changing our circumstances. It's recognizing the walls our thinking has built around them.
And perhaps thoughtful leadership begins with the willingness to open a door.
The Difference Between Reacting and Leading
One of the most important dimensions of leadership is the ability to recognize how our thinking influences our responses.
When we encounter disagreement, disappointment, or uncertainty, what happens within us?
Do we immediately become defensive?
Do we dismiss perspectives that challenge our own?
Do we assume that someone who sees things differently must be misguided, uninformed, or opposed to everything we value?
Or can we remain grounded enough to ask another question?
What might I not be seeing?
That question doesn't require us to abandon our convictions.
It doesn't suggest that every perspective is equally sound or that compromise is always the appropriate answer.
Rather, it creates room for discernment.
And discernment is essential to thoughtful leadership.
When we move beyond the immediate impulse to defend our position, we become more capable of understanding the problem itself, considering its complexities, and identifying responses that might otherwise remain hidden.
Our convictions don't have to become our prisons. We can hold deeply rooted beliefs while remaining open to learning, understanding, and discovering possibilities we haven't yet considered.
Leadership Isn't Limited to Those Holding Office
As we reflect on yesterday's election and the emotions that accompany its outcomes, it's natural to think about leadership at the national, state, and local levels.
But leadership extends far beyond elected office.
It happens in our organizations, businesses, schools, churches, and neighborhoods.
It happens around boardroom tables and kitchen tables.
It happens in conversations between spouses, parents and children, coworkers, friends, and neighbors.
Every one of us influences the environments we inhabit.
And every one of us has opportunities to contribute to the kind of community we hope to experience.
Sometimes that contribution begins not with a bold declaration or a sweeping initiative, but with a shift in how we approach another person.
With a willingness to listen.
With a question asked in genuine curiosity.
With the recognition that disagreement doesn't automatically require disconnection.
Whether Today Feels Like a Win or a Loss
For some, this morning brings encouragement, relief, or a sense of victory.
For others, it brings disappointment, uncertainty, frustration, or concern about what lies ahead.
Both experiences deserve acknowledgment.
But neither needs to determine the entirety of what happens next.
If today feels like a victory, perhaps the invitation is to consider what it means to lead beyond winning.
How might we use this moment not simply to advance our preferred outcomes, but to build relationships, understand concerns, and pursue the well-being of people who see the world differently?
If today feels like a loss, perhaps the invitation is to allow space for disappointment without allowing that disappointment to become the final word.
What might it look like to acknowledge difficult emotions, reflect on what matters most, and begin identifying constructive ways to participate in the reality now before us?
Neither invitation is easy.
And neither asks us to pretend that our differences are insignificant.
But both invite us to consider how we can move forward with intention rather than allowing our immediate reactions to determine our next steps.
What Becomes Possible When We Think More Expansively?
In counseling, personal growth often involves learning to recognize patterns in our thinking.
We begin to notice the assumptions we make, the conclusions we reach, and the ways our interpretations influence our emotions and behavior.
One particularly important skill is cognitive flexibility: the capacity to consider different perspectives, adapt our thinking when new information emerges, and recognize possibilities beyond our initial interpretation.
This doesn't mean becoming indecisive or abandoning deeply held values.
It means developing the capacity to respond thoughtfully rather than automatically.
And while this skill is valuable in our personal lives, imagine what it could mean for our communities.
What if we approached more of our disagreements with curiosity rather than immediate judgment?
What if we spent less energy defending opposing positions and more energy understanding the challenges we're trying to address?
What if we recognized that collaboration doesn't require complete agreement, but does require a willingness to identify where meaningful work can happen together?
We might discover that there are more possibilities before us than our polarized thinking initially allowed us to see.
And perhaps, in doing so, we begin to dismantle some of the invisible walls that have kept us apart.
A Little More Purple
So today, I've joined my friend in wearing purple.
Not because I believe every disagreement can be resolved by meeting somewhere in the middle.
Not because differences in values, beliefs, or priorities don't matter.
And certainly not because the challenges facing our communities are simple.
I'm wearing purple as a reminder that the space between opposing positions is not necessarily empty. It may be filled with possibilities we haven't yet explored.
Possibilities for understanding.
For creative problem-solving.
For collaboration.
For relationships that grow stronger through thoughtful engagement rather than unquestioned agreement.
And for leadership that is measured not only by the strength of our convictions, but also by the wisdom, humility, and care with which we put those convictions into action.
Perhaps that's an invitation worth considering today, regardless of how we feel about yesterday.
Because the question before us isn't simply which direction our world is moving.
It's also how we will choose to think, relate, contribute, and lead within it.
And perhaps a little more purple is a good place to begin.
Questions for Reflection
When I encounter someone who thinks differently, is my first instinct to understand or to defend?
Where might I be viewing a complicated situation through an unnecessarily narrow set of choices?
What assumptions or judgments might be creating invisible walls in my relationships or leadership?
What constructive contribution can I make in my family, workplace, organization, or community, even when circumstances aren't what I would have chosen?
At New Hope Counseling Center, we believe that healthy individuals, relationships, and communities are strengthened through reflection, understanding, and intentional growth.
A Truth to Hold Onto
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." — James 1:19 (NIV)
God calls us to approach one another with humility, patience, and a willingness to listen before responding. We don't have to abandon our convictions to make room for understanding, nor do our differences have to become barriers to meaningful relationships. When we choose curiosity over judgment, reflection over reaction, and wisdom over the need to be right, we create space for God to work in and through us.
Sometimes the most meaningful step toward unity isn't changing what we believe, but allowing God to shape how we think, listen, and respond to one another.
Stay Connected
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By Sheila Derr, Executive Director, New Hope Community Life Ministry