Making Choices
As a small boy I remember standing in front of the candy bowl at my grandparents’ house deep in agonizing thought as I surveyed the choices before me. I could only pick one piece of candy, so I HAD to make sure I chose the RIGHT piece. I probably spent 10 minutes trying to make a selection. The decision had me frozen. Years later I remember the pressure I felt choosing a piece of candy, yet I cannot recall what piece of candy I picked.
Has that ever happened to you? You are faced with a choice, and that pressure to decide freezes you? You are far from alone; many people struggle to arrive at the perfect choice. What is the right car for me to buy? What career do I pursue? Do I buy name-brand or store-brand soup? On and on the list goes: choices that freeze us and take up time and mind space.
How do we thaw out and break free of the pressure to make the best choice?
One of the first steps is to change how we think about choices. We can shift from thinking “I need to make the best choice” to “I want to make a good choice.” Searching for the best choice can cause us to get stuck between two very similar things (do I buy the Dell computer or the HP computer?). As we try to discern which one is the best, the pressure mounts, and our internal agony goes up. However, thinking “I want to make a good decision, and both of those computers are good” might lead to flipping a coin and being at peace with the result. The truth for me was that any of the pieces of candy I picked would have been a good choice (except for licorice; licorice is objectively always a bad choice).
Allowing ourselves to seek out a good decision instead of the perfect decision can help free us from the thoughts that haunt us after deciding. Wondering “Did I make the best choice?” or the awful “what if…” have a way of making it hard to live with our choices and can spoil our enjoyment of a perfectly good piece of candy.
This leads to a second thing to unfreeze our minds when faced with decisions: giving ourselves permission to fail. Sometimes the pressure to make the perfect decision is less about making the best choice and more about avoiding failure. Now, I’m not saying to ignore wisdom and intentionally make bad choices (like choosing licorice when you know it is vile and disgusting), but to take risks like ordering a new food off the menu knowing that you might end up not liking it. Decisions that fail can be one of our greatest teachers and causes for growth.
Helpful questions that give freedom to make decisions that feel risky could include:
· What are the consequences if this doesn’t work out?
· How might I grow from making this choice?
· Does this decision line up with the character I want to have and be known for?
· Will this matter in a month? A year? Five years?
Continue the list on your own, developing questions that help you make good decisions. The more you work to release yourself from the trap of being perfect and integrate wisdom in making good choices, the more freedom you will have in life.
Written by Levi Roop, New Hope Counselor