Anxiety (pt. 2) in children

In my previous blog post (find it here    ) I talked about anxiety from an adult’s perspective. Now I want to talk about anxiety and kids. In my other writing, I mentioned that anxiety will affect our thoughts which may become persistent and interrupt our daily routines. The same will be true for kids. The difference will be how a child reacts to his or her thoughts and worries. Many children are not able to identify their emotions and feelings and the related reaction or behavior; other children struggle not only with identifying but also with sharing their anxious emotions and thoughts appropriately. In addition, a child who cannot recognize his/her feelings will be unable to control his/her response or reaction.

Anxiety in children may look like defiance, attempts to get attention, or misbehavior. The key is to recognize when a child’s behavior or reaction is different or the frequency of behavior changes. Children struggle with different behaviors and many of the below listed actions may be common for your child to have. The challenge is to recognize when the symptoms are different, new, or happen more frequently. As parents, caregivers, and adults who influence and care for youngsters, you may need some clues to recognize a child’s struggle with anxiety.

The clues can be divided in two groups; the first group includes subtle effects of anxiety, and the second group includes symptoms of anxiety.

Subtle changes may be:

·         a need for more reassurance than normal

·         irritable

·         not wanting to sleep alone

·         asking for help with simple tasks

·         being too cautious about engaging in common activities.

Symptoms of anxiety may be:

·         trouble sleeping through the night

·         frequent stomachaches

·         irritability

·         hiding

·         frequent episodes of crying

·         trouble separating from parents/caregiver

·         expressing persistent thoughts of worry

These lists are not exhaustive so be aware of other behavior changes in your child.

As a parent or caregiver to a child struggling with anxiety, it is important to recognize the behavior changes. Once we recognize the symptoms or changes, we should take time to sit with the child to acknowledge his/her struggle. Then, it will be important to help the child learn about the related feelings and appropriate ways to deal with these emotions. A child who knows what feelings are, will be able to recognize and control the response or reaction. This brings us to the question of how we help a child struggling with worry and/or anxiety. The first way of helping a child is by recognizing their need. This means we take time to hug the child in the moment of the behavior. This will alleviate the behavior temporarily. But it will let the child know that the adult sees the challenge and cares enough to share the moment.

My granddaughter is 19 months old and does not know how to share her feelings. Obvious, as she is only beginning to talk. I know that when she is frustrated, she reacts by hitting whoever is closest. Her mother usually talks gently to her and uses validation and labeling. In other words, my daughter hugs her child which lets her know she is okay. Then my daughter states the emotion: anger or frustration; this is labeling. She then tells her child it is okay to feel frustrated; this is validation. As my daughter continues, her child starts to calm down. Then they “talk” about what is happening. My granddaughter also hears how she should be acting. For example, we don’t use our hands to hit. We use hands to count, to wave, to show affection. This process may be repeated several times a day.

Helping a child means we need to teach him/her about feelings and how to recognize them. An important part of this is to let the child know it is okay to have and to express feelings. You may be asking, “How do I explain feelings?”. Feelings can be explained by using what we all have available, our face. Use a piece of paper to cover your face, pull the paper down and show the child how your face would look with different emotions. As you show your face, explain how you feel, how your body is feeling and how you will respond or react to the emotion. This activity should be simple and geared to the child’s age. Also, only use basic emotions like happy, sad, angry, worried, or sleepy. This is a good time to talk about how the adult sees the child’s reactions or responses. A good resource that explains emotions is “A little spot of emotion” 8 book box set by Diane Alber. I use the eight-book set that includes the stuffed emotion faces.

The next step includes helping the child to recognize his/her physical response to emotions. In this post, I am talking about worry. So, as the caregiver you will think about how you feel and respond to worry including the thoughts that go along with your worry. When I worry, I feel stomach pains, my shoulders tense, and my eyebrows draw together. I tend to wear my emotions on my face, so everyone usually knows what I am feeling. Or at least, they think they know. As you explain to a child how you feel or experience worry, you must be careful to let the child know it is okay to have feelings. Any time you teach a child use words they can understand. Make sure to let the child know it is okay to ask for help. It is key to teach a child how to react to emotions without hurting oneself or others. There are three rules to teach a child to learn control of emotions.

The rules are:

·         respect yourself instead of hurting yourself,

·         respect others and don’t hurt them,

·         respect your environment instead of harming your environment (surroundings)

Another suggestion is to use exercise and family activities as a relief from the physical symptoms, otherwise known as tension. Exercise can be taking a brisk walk, riding a bike, or playing a game such as basketball. This type of activity will help to release the energy of the anxiety. It will also help to refocus one’s thoughts. An added benefit is the time spent together.

As a parent or caregiver, it may be helpful to act as a coach. Acting as a coach helps us take a step back from the situation. It also removes some of the emotional tension we have as the parents or caregivers. Acting as coach, you can help the child set up a reward system (a chart) to work on the response to fear and worry. This will help the child learn self-control and responsibility. The reward system should be decided on together. In this way, the child will learn his/her opinion is important. He or she will also understand it is his/her responsibility to control their response or reaction to emotions. A child will need guidance to decide on the reward. The reward should be meaningful but not expensive. Appropriate rewards are time spent in a hobby or having a special treat.

Some of this information is from a book written to help kids. The book is titled “What to do when you’re scared & worried” by James Crist, Ph.D.

If as a child caregiver, the outlined suggestions seem too difficult or do not help, please consult a professional counselor or your physician. This post is packed with information. However, it is not meant to replace medical care or mental health treatment. Please consult a professional when needed.