Speaking About Suicide
I can remember Nick’s* last visit to the agency I once worked. He had been a co-worker there for several years before he left to take employment somewhere else. He had only been gone a few weeks when he came back during the workday and made his way around the office, catching up with the many friends he had gained during the years he worked with us. His presence was greatly missed!
It was so nice to see him and to joke with him. He seemed to be in good spirits and mentioned enjoying his new job. We had known Nick to be a dedicated, fun young man who did his job well and volunteered in other aspects of our agency due to his caring heart. At that time, we didn’t realize that he was saying goodbye. Later that week Nick took his own life.
Nick had struggled with chronic depression. He was open and authentic about his mental illness and many of us had witnessed his low moments. Despite this, he was a faithful son, devoted to his faith, family, and friends. Never had we realized he would be planning his own death down to the smallest detail.
He had arranged to be “found” by one of my nursing colleagues just a few days after his goodbye visit. His parents had planned to be away that weekend which allowed him to spare them that picture. He left notes. He was tired, he said, of the fight. He was weary. The depths of his depression went below even what we had witnessed and understood. Our agency was rocked to the core.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. We here at New Hope join in the “Together for Mental Health” campaign which encourages people to bring their voices together to advocate for better mental health, including an effective crisis response system. One of the outcomes of this initiative is the new, nationwide number 988 which will quickly connect someone considering suicide to 24/7 support no matter where one lives in our country. A call or text to this easy-to-remember number is a huge step in making rapid response available.
Most of us do not like to talk about suicide or consider it something that will strike close to home. The reality, whether we like it or not, is that it is the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-34 in the United States. There has been an increase of 35% known deaths due to suicide since 1999. 18.8% of these are high school students. Other studies show that 46% of those who complete suicide have a mental health condition such as depression (National Alliance on Mental Illness or NAMI, 2022). These figures propel communities like ours into opening our eyes and hopefully taking steps to address the growing numbers impacting families around us.
While some cries for help are more obvious and direct, we often get asked, as counselors, how to engage with those whose actions are more indirect. People are often uncertain if they should bring up suicide with an individual for fear of causing someone to then act upon it. Please know that is not the case and the more we engage the more likely we are to aid in preventing this from happening. The following are things to note when concerned about an individual:
· Talk openly and directly. Show you are comfortable with the topic as this can take some power and shock out of one’s thoughts of suicidality.
· Ask the person if they have a specific plan to end his/her life.
· Provide presence, along with others, if it seems that the person shouldn’t be alone at that time.
· Find ways to help the person connect with others. Isolation can hinder someone from seeing ramifications of suicide and increase depression.
· Allow choices and show genuine interest rather than demanding the person to do things. If feeling controlled with no options a person can be tempted to further retreat.
· Do not hesitate to call the 988 number and encourage conversation for the person who is talking with you about suicidality. The local Crisis Intervention can also provide phone support and direction for you and the person you are with.
· Encourage use of medications, if this person has them, specific for anxiety or insomnia. These have been proven to decrease suicide attempts.
· Encourage the person to meet with a therapist if there has been a recent crisis, relationship break up, job loss or other interpersonal problem. This has been known to decrease pain associated with that event and provide outlet for the individual.
Keep in mind that your role is to be a form of support and connection for the individual and not to know the best form of treatment. It is also impossible, as I have come to learn myself from the situation with Nick, to have the means to see the future or control the outcome of someone determined to make this decision.
What we CAN do is keep talking about suicide, show interest if something seems off to us, be direct and candid with friends and loved ones, educate others as able, use the resources available to us such as the 988 number and our local chapters of NAMI (nami.org). As I mentioned, September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and there are numerous events happening locally to increase our understanding and knowledge of available resources. Please engage in these as you are able and collect as much as you need to grow your personal muscle regarding the impact of suicide in our community!
*name changed to protect client
Elaine Potts, LCSW
Counseling Supervisor at New Hope Counseling Center