By Shannon A Shertzer, M.S.

The first time I met "Amber" she was a bubbly, attractive 16-year-old with a great sense of humor. She carried herself with a confidence that seemed more mature than her years. Yet under Amber's projected self-assurance, there was a deep sense of shame and self-hatred. Amber had been secretly cutting her arms and legs for quite some time. Under her cheerful facade, was a wounded and hurting young lady.

Most individuals who cut (also termed self-injure or self-mutilate) are women between the ages of 13 and 30. Contrary to popular opinion, these people usually are not looking for attention. Most deliberately and methodically hide their scars with long sleeves and wristbands. Amber preferred no one finding out becasue she already felt intensely ashamed and guilt-ridden for cutting. If Amber's parents had not discovered her scars, she would have most likely continued her secret rituals without intervention.

There could be several reasons why people cut themselves, but the main one is to help cope with stress. Amber experienced such internal tension that she would become anxious and jittery. She found that cutting relieved the nervousness as she ritualistically focused on the razor, the slice, and the blood.

Amber's self-imposed physical pain served to mask the emotional pain. She willingly admitted that she wore "masks" because people wouldn't approve of the "real" Amber who she described as ugly and mean. Amber had unconsciously learned that she shouldn't express "negative" emotions like anger or sadness, so when those feelings emerged she quickly bottled them up. Unfortunately, bottled emotions need a means of escape. Amber's way of escape was by cutting.

If you or someone you know is cutting here are a few suggestions to help stop the cutting.

  1. Talk to someone you trust. By telling someone your secret, you begin to shed light into a dark place. This is freeing.
  2. Ask that person if you can call them when you have the urge to cut. Sometimes by talking about it, the temptation to cut is alleviated.
  3. Discover better coping skills. Take a bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, go for a walk, journal, pray and read the Bible.
  4. Identify what triggers you to cut. If possible, look for ways to avoid those triggers.
  5. Talk to a minister or professional counselor. Cutting is a symptom of something going on inside your heart and mind. By talking to a professional you are more likely to uncover the root problem, which will facilitate long-lasting healing.

Amber is on her way to that long-lasting healing. She has come to know more of God's unconditional love and understands more about herself and her world. She is coping better with the stress of life as she finds hope in God's love.